There’s a baby on the way! There’s a baby on the way!
When anyone moves, there is chaos. There are boxes and bags, shifting of dining seats, expectations to be discussed and painting to occur. This is the concreteness of it all. It is what I turn to when the abstract emotions are just too much. It is easy to concentrate on what color the walls should be and where one should attend school. It is not easy to concentrate on the how the dynamics of it will work. How will there be time to meet everyone’s needs be? What if there are some real personality conflicts and what will happen if I run out of steam? Nope. I wasn’t going to think that way. The professionals had my back. They knew I could do it. I have done it in the past. I must be able to do it now.
Hope. Anticipation. Excitement. Joy.
The carnival had come to town. It was filled with noise, laughter, thrills, and dizziness and yes a side of nausea. My kids were excited but as with any addition or transition, there are hard emotions that can’t be denied. It meant more sharing, more stretching and more compromise. My oldest daughter E would have to temporarily move in with her younger sisters. While she loved her space, she was excited for an older sister and the idea of being a niece and graciously accepted it. Next was the fear. Fear of losing mom and dad. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the memories that it stirred inside the hearts of my children who had come to me after being in the system. There would regression and symptomatic behavior on their part. It would be inevitable.
There was so much to do and so little time. I think the planning and busywork took over. We had to get Miss A registered in school. She had been attending on campus school at her residential facility. Not all the credits transferred to traditional school and it was making things complicated. After much consideration and discussion, the decision that she would attend online school seemed to make the most sense. Our school district here suggested that she attend the alternative school. That bothered me because I felt they were “pushing her out” because of her pregnancy. I get it. Pregnancy is contagious. Had she wanted me to fight, this, you know I would have. She didn’t and it wasn’t my battle. I shut up. I still believe that I deserve a metal for that as we all know my mouth. The alternative school was from 1pm to 8pm. Ummh- not exactly conducive to family time with a newborn. Looking back this would have been the best decision. It would have meant letting her remain with her peers. This may have been a factor in events to follow. Or maybe not.
School was not the only to do on the list. She was having a baby. We needed to get ready for that. She needed medical care and a plan. We began touring hospitals. I wanted Miss A (my daughter) to have some power and control over her situation and life. It was something that she lacked up to this point. We called around to find out which hospitals in the area accepted Medicaid (she was still a foster child and not on our private insurance). After visiting a few, she made her decision and we set up care and appointments thru them. I was so proud of her. She was determined to have a healthy baby and took very good care of herself. She was very mature in this respect.
There’s a baby on the way! There’s a baby on the way!
What does a family do when a baby is coming? They party! I very much wanted Miss A to be my own. My daughter was going to be a mom. It didn’t matter that she had just now become my daughter and it didn’t matter the scope of the relationship. It doesn’t matter that she is not mine now and that we don’t have a relationship. The party was important. The party is still important. The pictures make me smile and cry and the memories are gold. We were able to gather friends and family together to welcome a baby into the world. It was a celebration of Miss A. It was a celebration of life. Miss A was a queen that day. It was wonderful. I am so blessed to be able to have given her that. Every mother needs to feel important. Every life needs to be celebrated. Would I do it again knowing the outcome? Yes.
