Neglect.
That word doesn’t get the recognition that it should. How much does the general public really know?
Abuse. There is one that we know. We all know a story about a little girl that gets beat so bad that she ends up in the hospital with a fractured skull. We know of the boy who wet his bed and had his head bashed against the wall. We have read about the cigarette burns and the broken ribs. We have looked at pictures of black eyes and bruises. We have learned about the predators and we have responded. We have treated the abused. We expect trauma to have its effect and we educate on how to prevent it.
But what about neglect?
The word usually brings about images of poor hygiene and unhealthy living conditions. It conjures images of malnutrition. We see pictures in our mind of dirty tattered clothing and imagine children left alone in rundown buildings. This is not wrong. We react with the same emotions and reactions to that of abuse. But what if we are missing something? What if we are missing something so big that many children simply slip thru the cracks? What if we learned a bit more about neglect? Could we save children from further trauma? Could you recognize it? Could you stop it?
Do you know what emotional neglect is?
I am not sure that I really understood it until I met my kids from hard places. I had opinions and presumptions about it. I assumed it meant that kids were being ignored and not cared about or shown acts of love. What I didn’t understand was the effect that this had on my kids and many others. I didn’t realize that emotional neglect caused brain damage. I didn’t know that simply loving my kids would not heal them and that it would take much, much more.
Here is a picture of two brain scans. The one on the left is that of a three year old that is considered typical. The one on the right is a three year old that was severally neglected. The brain structure is changed completely. It is damaged.
Emotional neglect can be brought on by various things. The common culprits include drug use by parent or caregiver causing them to exist physically but not able to tune into the child. Another is parent not being interested or knowing how to raise and care for a child. Sometimes medical and mental illness can cause a parent to be absent or the relationship to be strained. No matter what the reasons are, the results can be devastating.
What can we do?
Be aware. Take action.
How can I be sure? You can never be sure BUT, I believe better safe than sorry. Here are some helpful indicators:
Indicators of Emotional Maltreatment and Emotional Neglect of Children
Behavioral Indicators:
• Wary of Adult Contacts
• Apprehensive when other children cry
• Behavioral extremes (aggressiveness or withdrawal)
• Frightened of parents
• Afraid to go home
Physical indicators:
• Habit disorders (sucking, biting, rocking)
• Conduct disorders (antisocial, destructible)
• Neurotic traits (sleep disorders, speech disorders)
• Inhibition or inability to play
• Psycho-neurotic reactions (hysteria, obsession, compulsion, phobias, hypochondria)
Still not sure that you know what emotional neglect is?
Here is helpful video. Take a few minutes and view the whole thing – if you can. It was hard for me to watch and yet I am glad that I did.
Please share and help me build awareness. My trauma survivors thank you.
